Sunday, April 3, 2011

Uncle!!!!!!!




.


.

Last night at around 3:00 AM, my tranquility was disturbed

when my son and his buddy Blake, decided to fire up my Weber

and grill some Shish Kabobs. When I got up this morning to go

to Tim Horton's, My driveway looked like Booger Hole West

Virginia. I wasn't happy about my Milk Can being used for a BBQ

stand, OR the empty goosenecks laying around....

Three hours later Mother Nature decided to lay a belated April

Fools joke on us here in Michigan. Grrrrrrr.....

Have a Kick Ass Week Everybody!!!

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Welfare Poem. (what do you think?)

I cross ocean, poor and broke, Take bus, see employment folk.
Nice man treat me good in there, Say I need to see welfare.
Welfare say, 'You come no more, We send cash right to your door.' Welfare checks, they make you wealthy, Medicaid it keep you healthy!
By and by, I got plenty money, Thanks to you, American dummy..
Write to friends in motherland, Tell them 'come fast as you can.'
They come in turbans and Ford trucks, I buy big house with welfare bucks
They come here, we live together, More welfare checks, it gets better!
Fourteen families, they moving in, But neighbor's patience wearing thin.
Finally, white guy moves away, Now I buy his house, and then I say,
'Find more aliens for house to rent.'
And in the yard I put a tent.
Send for family they just trash,
But they, too, draw the welfare cash!
Everything is very good, And soon we own the neighbourhood.
We have hobby it's called breeding, Welfare pay for baby feeding.
Kids need dentist?
Wife need pills?
We get free!
We got no bills!
American crazy!
He pay all year, To keep welfare running here.
We think America darn good place! Too darn good for the white man race.
If they no like us, they can scram, Got lots of room in Pakistan.
It is interesting that the federal government provides a single refugee with a monthly allowance of $1,890.00 and each > can also get an additional $580.00 in social assistance for a total of$2,470.00.
this compares very well to a single pensioner who after contributing to the growth and development o f America for 40 to 50 years can only receive a monthly maximum of $1,012.00 in old age pension and Guaranteed Income Supplement.
Maybe our pensioners should apply as refugees!
Lets send this to all Americans, so we can all be ticked off andmaybe we can get the refugees cut back to $1,012.00 and the pensionersup to $2,470 00 and enjoy some of the money we were forced to submit tothe Government over the last 40 or 50 years.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Dumb photos

I love this picture, because some days you wish you could say this to someone but just know that you'd suffer even more!



Its one of those days. Below are some photos of stupid things that happen and someone caught it.

Nice! Do you feel save with these guys on duty?

Ummm ok I dont want them driving for me.


Now this wasnt stupid really other than the fact is where is the bathroom? Way over at the other end? Better not have to go very badly!



oops!




Honestly how do they end up like this?





Poor Ronald his house burned to the ground! From what I understand someone left one of the deep fryers on! Thats a no-no






This has been on the internet before but I wanted to share it again. This is why if your gonna cheat make it the ground floor! lol







OMG I'm going deaf just looking at this!








Another one thats been on the internet before. But you know I never knew this really could happen, I thought there was no way they could just drive off and the hose would come with I thought that it would just drop to the ground. Mr Gab (who works at a station/store said it happens more than you would believe.)









And finally where did they go to school?

Sunday, March 16, 2008

AND THEY CALL US JACKASSES!

IDIOT SIGHTING:
We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a "large" enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, "Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower." I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, "NO, it's not." Four is larger than two.."
We haven't used Sears repair since.
IDIOT SIGHTING
My daughter and I went through the McDonald's take-out window and I gave the clerk a $5 bill. Our total was $4.25, so I also handed her a quarter. She said, "you gave me too much money." I said, "Yes I know, but this way you can just give me a dollar bill back." She sighed and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so, and he handed me back the quarter, and said Were sorry but they could not do that kind of thing." The clerk then proceeded to give me back$1 and 75 cents in change.

Do not confuse the clerks at McD's.

IDIOT SIGHTING :
I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the DEER CROSSING sign on our road. The reason: "Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."
From Kingman , KS .

IDIOT SIGHTING IN FOOD SERVICE:
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceburg lettuce.
From Kansas City

IDIOT SIGHTING:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled knowingly and nodded,
"That's why we ask."
Happened in Birmingham , Ala.

IDIOT SIGHTING:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!"
She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS .


IDIOT SIGHTING:
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker. She was leaving the company due to "downsizing." Our manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often." Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.
This was a lunch at Texas Instruments.


IDIOT SIGHTING :
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on.
A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office, no less.


IDIOT SIGHTING :
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the drivers side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "its open!" His reply, "I know. I already got that side."
This was at the Ford dealership in Canton, Mississippi

STAY ALERT!
They walk among us... And the scary part is that they VOTE and REPRODUCE and our enemies know it!!!

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

OOOOHHHH SEXY

You


know


it's


almost Summer


when


the girls



start


showing off their


belly buttons...





Thursday, February 28, 2008

School 1960 vs. School 2008

School 1960 vs. School 2008

Scenario: Jack goes quail hunting before school, pulls into school parking lot with shotgun in gun rack.
1960 - Vice principal comes over, looks at Jack's shotgun, goes to his car and gets his own shotgun to show Jack.
2008 - School goes into lockdown, the FBI is called, Jack is hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors are called in to assist traumatized students and teachers.

Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school
1960 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies
2008 - Police are called, SWAT team arrives and arrests Johnny and Mark. They are charged with assault and both are expelled even though Johnny started it.

Scenario: Jeffrey won't sit still in class, disrupts other students.
1960 - Jeffrey is sent to the principal's office and given a good paddling. Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.
2008 - Jeffrey is given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. Tested for ADD. School gets extra state funding because Jeffrey has a disability.

Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his nei ghbor's car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt.
1960 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.
2008 - Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy is removed to foster care and joins a gang. State psychologist tells Billy's sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison. Billy's mom has an affair with the psychologist.

Scenario: Mark gets a headache and takes s ome Aspirin to school
1960 - Mark shares Aspirin with the school principal out on the smoking dock.
2008 - Police are called and Mark is expelled from School for drug violations. His car is searched for drugs and weapons.

Scenario: Pedro fails high-school English.
1960 - Pedro goes to summer scho ol, passes English, goes to college.
2008 - Pedro's cause is taken up by local human rights group. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that making English a requirement for graduation is racist.USCivil Liberties Association files class action lawsuit against state school system and Pedro's English teacher. English is banned from core curriculum. Pedro is given his diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.

Scenario: Johnny takes apart leftover Independence Day firecrackers, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle and blows up an anthill.
1960 - Ants die.
2008 - Homeland Security and the FBI are called and Johnny is charged with domestic terrorism. teams investigate parents, siblings are removed from the home, computers are confiscated, and Johnny's dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.

Scenario: Johnny falls during recess and scrapes his knee. His teacher, Mary, finds him crying, and gives him a hug to comfort him.
1960 - Johnny soon feels better and goes back to playing.
2008 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces three years in federal prison. Johnny undergoes five years of therapy.